Appropriate humor

tdevince · Post by **tdevince** » 19 Dec 2008, 07:19

Thought a thread like this could be a good compliment to one in the cage:

First "Appropriate" humor:

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly.
"Is everything okay, pal?", the bartender asks.
"My wife, a joylessbrat, and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month!".
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?"

"Yeah. But today is the last day".

Post by **Cyberfly** » 19 Dec 2008, 07:26

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Quick! Give me five shots of whiskey as fast as you can!"
The bartender sets them up and the guy starts slamming them down as quick as he can.
The bartender asks the guy, "Buddy, what's the deal?"
The guy responds, "You'd be drinking these as fast as you could to if you had what I have!"
The bartender is a bit concerned now. He leans on the bar and asks him, "What's wrong pal? What do you have?"
"Eighty five cents." :lmao:

tdevince · Post by **tdevince** » 19 Dec 2008, 07:30

A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn't in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. 'What's the matter, dear?' she asks. 'Why are you down here at this time of night?' The husband looks up from his coffee, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?' he asks solemnly. 'Yes, I do, ' she replies. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?' 'Yes, I remember,' says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues, 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?'' 'I remember that, too,' she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, 'I would have gotten out today.'

tdevince · Post by **tdevince** » 19 Dec 2008, 07:32

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a
most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind
the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking
the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a < /SPAN>bad
time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral
is it?'

'My wife's.'

'What happened to her?'

The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.'

He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'

The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the
dog turned on her.'

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

'Can I borrow the dog?'

The man replied, 'Get in line.'

Post by **jmz5** » 19 Dec 2008, 07:36

A mushroom walks in to a bar and asks for a beer.
Bartenter says "we don't serve your kind in here"
Mushroom says "why not? I'm a fungi"

:laugh:

Post by **jmz5** » 19 Dec 2008, 07:38

There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.

The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, "You can't stay here you have to come with us."

The old man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left. A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.

The old man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again.

An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.

Again the old man refused to leave stating that, "God will save him." So the boat left him again.

Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, "Why didn't you save me?"

God replied, "You dummy! I tried. I sent three boats after you!!"

Post by **jmz5** » 19 Dec 2008, 07:41

Christmas Has Been Canceled

It's all YOUR fault!

You told Santa that you were GOOD this year...

AND HE DIED LAUGHING!!!

tdevince · Post by **tdevince** » 19 Dec 2008, 07:59

A Redneck guy is watching Ice Fishing on TV one day and decides he wants to try it out.

He starts thinking... How am I gonna make the hole in the ice?? I don't have an ice auger like I saw on that show, but I do have a post hole digger - that'll work.

He puts together all his fishing gear including the post hole auger, throws everything into his pickup and drives down to the ice.

He's pumped, makes his way onto the ice, cracks a beer and excitedly sets up his gear, and then starts making his first hole. He's fishing for a few minutes when he hears a faint voice- There are no fish down there. He follows the voice's advice and moves over to another area of the ice and makes his second hole.

He gets set up and starts fishing again , but hears that faint voice, There are no fish down there.

He heads over to another place on the ice and makes his third hole and starts fishing again. The voice returns louder this time, There Are No Fish Down There!!

The Redneck answers back this time- Who are you?? The voice answers back, I'm the Manager of this Indoor Skating Rink and there are No fish Down There

Post by **jmz5** » 19 Dec 2008, 08:02

:laugh:

tdevince · Post by **tdevince** » 19 Dec 2008, 08:04

A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?", asked the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This looks like yours!"

tdevince · Post by **tdevince** » 19 Dec 2008, 08:11

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says “Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.”

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, “That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!”

Confused, he says, “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.”

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, “How many is a Brazilian?”

Vortec MAX · Post by **Vortec MAX** » 19 Dec 2008, 09:20

That blonde joke about the Brazillian skydivers had me ROFL. That was a good one.

In response to a question from his wife, the husband says, "No honey, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

Mister Freeze · Post by **Mister Freeze** » 19 Dec 2008, 09:20

Frantically, the blonde calls the fire department. "Help, help! My house is on fire!" "OK, calm down, ma'am. Just tell us how to get there and we'll take care of it."

"Duh, use the big red truck!"

Llagoud · Post by **Llagoud** » 22 Dec 2008, 05:35

Post by **jmz5** » 22 Dec 2008, 06:08

HK is so impressive, it can magically turn bullets around.

tdevince · Post by **tdevince** » 05 Jan 2009, 14:03

Hell Of A Headache...
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store & thought, "That's what I need - a new suit."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve & 16-1/2 neck." Again, Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see ... 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."

Joe laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.

Post by **f3rr37** » 05 Jan 2009, 14:18

tdevince wrote: Joe laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.

:lmao:

EARS · Post by **EARS** » 05 Jan 2009, 14:51

That was outstanding!! :lmao: :lmao:

Dog Slayer · Post by **Dog Slayer** » 05 Jan 2009, 17:21

And more :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Post by **Rapier1772** » 04 Feb 2009, 09:13

One for the SS sailors :p The submarine race winners

Post by **Cyberfly** » 04 Feb 2009, 09:20

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Talk about a PHOTO finish!!

Post by **f3rr37** » 04 Feb 2009, 09:38

:laugh: That's awesome.

Llagoud · Post by **Llagoud** » 04 Feb 2009, 13:24

Post by **MrSlippyFist** » 04 Feb 2009, 13:32

That is gold Llagoud. Pure gold. Only .002 of an ounce, but still gold.

Post by **f3rr37** » 04 Feb 2009, 13:34

I've heard that before, those people are idiots. :laugh:

Post by **MrSlippyFist** » 04 Feb 2009, 13:36

I blame the schools.

Post by **f3rr37** » 04 Feb 2009, 13:37

I blame Verizon.

Post by **MrSlippyFist** » 04 Feb 2009, 13:42

Is that who it was?

Llagoud · Post by **Llagoud** » 04 Feb 2009, 13:44

Yup, I just sent it to a VZ Gateway Interface Architect to share.

Post by **f3rr37** » 04 Feb 2009, 13:44

Yes, listen at the end.

Post by **f3rr37** » 04 Feb 2009, 16:00

How is babby formed?

Read the question and best answer here: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index ... 304AAz4LT9" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Then watch this: http://www.somethingawful.com/flash/shmorky/babby.swf" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I had to stop watching at work, I was almost crying I was laughing so hard.

Wollychop · Post by **Wollychop** » 04 Feb 2009, 16:05

:lmao: That is awesome!

Post by **MrSlippyFist** » 04 Feb 2009, 16:05

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Wollychop · Post by **Wollychop** » 04 Feb 2009, 16:07

Too bad we can't do that with some of H2Ostone's old posts :ponder:

Post by **MrSlippyFist** » 04 Feb 2009, 16:08

Wollychop wrote:Too bad we can't do that with some of H2Ostone's old posts :ponder:

If only I had the time.

Post by **Rapier1772** » 04 Feb 2009, 16:16

For the Verizon Llagoud posted - I would have taken them to court & had the judge explain it to them. Make it as embarrassing as possible. Blog is a good start but don't stop there

fatherfoof · Post by **fatherfoof** » 04 Feb 2009, 19:03

St. Peter at the gate to EARS: Name a major maritime tragedy. Uh, The Titanic? Okay, C'mon in. Wolly steps up. St. Peter asks how many perished? Well, at least a thousand. Close enough. C'mon in. Fly steps up. St. Peter: What were their names?

:laugh:

5Jeffro7 · Post by **5Jeffro7** » 04 Feb 2009, 19:29

joke especially for fuzzy....

Why are pirates so scary?
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they just ARGHHHHHHHH!

Rocky123 · Post by **Rocky123** » 04 Feb 2009, 19:50

A man walks into a fancy bar on the 100th floor of a high rise.

A mild mannered man is at the bar nursing a drink. Trying to fit in the man sits down and asks "What are you drinking?"

The mild mannered man says "Rocket juice." "Rocket juice? Why is it called that?"

The mild mannered man says "Here, I'll show you," takes a big swallow, sets the glass down, jumps out the window, flys around the building, back through the window, and sits down at the bar.

The man says, "I can't believe it! But I saw it with my own eyes! Will you do that again so I can get a picture on my cell phone?"

The mild mannered man takes a big swallow, sets the glass down, jumps out the window, flys around the building, back through in through the window, and sits down at the bar.

The man says, "I'm going to show this to my friends, they are not going to believe it! Bartender, give me a glass of rocket juice." He grabs the glass, takes a big swallow, then another swallow, sets the glass down, jumps out the window and falls 100 stories to his death.

The bartender turns to the mild mannered man at the bar and says "Geez, you can be a big jerk when you have been drinking, Clark Kent."

Post by **jmz5** » 04 Feb 2009, 19:54

:laugh:

Post by **f3rr37** » 04 Feb 2009, 20:01

:lmao:

Post by **f3rr37** » 05 Feb 2009, 15:25

Obama throws like a girl imo:

And the cat agrees.

Post by **jmz5** » 05 Feb 2009, 16:33

:laugh:

EARS · Post by **EARS** » 05 Feb 2009, 17:21

:lmao:

wolcottaj · Post by **wolcottaj** » 05 Feb 2009, 17:39

Post by **f3rr37** » 10 Feb 2009, 10:46

http://i43.tinypic.com/2cpokyr.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Wollychop · Post by **Wollychop** » 10 Feb 2009, 11:06

:lmao: That one never gets old!

Post by **jmz5** » 10 Feb 2009, 11:10

Nope. :laugh:

Wollychop · Post by **Wollychop** » 10 Feb 2009, 11:14

And I still say that is Kyle's cousin all growed up

Wollychop · Post by **Wollychop** » 14 Feb 2009, 08:22

Unforutately, this conversation actually happened. It occured at one of our weekly training meetings. We were talking about leave and passes for people going OCONUS, and whether or not folks traveling to Puerto Rico, Hawaii, etc would have to jump through the same hoops as folks traveling to foreign states such as Germany, Korea, etc.

1SG = First Sergeant
CDR = Commander
Me = Wolly
CW3 Smith = not really named Smith
CW2 Thompson = not really named Thompson

1SG: Well, of course they have to get the antiterrorism training, they're going OCONUS.

CW3 Smith: Top, that doesn't make any sense. It specifically says in the AR that Puerto Rico and other territories and protectorates are exempt.

1SG: No no no, they are going OUTSIDE the continental United States. They need the same thing if they are going to Alaska or Hawaii.

CDR: *groans and puts a dip in*

CW2 Thompson: If that's true it's stupid. Alaska and Hawaii are states. You shouldn't need an Anti Terrorism brief and approval by the Battalion Commander to go on leave to a state.

1SG: *Cocks head and looks at CW2 Thompson like a small child* come on now, they're not states.

Me: *laugh and look at the floor*

CDR: *puts in more dip and watches the train wreck*

CW2 Thompson: What? Top, they're states....

1SG: No they're not, they don't touch the other ones.

CW3 Smith: Top, what the hell are you talking about?

1SG: That's why they're called the CONTIGUOUS United States of America.

Me: *looks at CDR. Panic sets in*

CW2 Thompson: You've got to be kidding me! Are you serious?

1SG: I don't know how you could have a BA degree and not understand this.

CW3 Smith: Ok Top, what are Alaska and Hawaii?

CDR: *pretends to get phone call and leaves*

1SG: They're territories.

CW2 Thompson: Top, that's just... not true.

1SG: *looks at me* Sir, will you set these warrants straight?

Me: Uh... Top, they're states. Have been for some time.

1SG: *throws hands into the air* I can't believe I'm surrounded by officers that don't even know their own country!

(At this point, we stop debating the statehood of Alaska and Hawaii)

He is still absolutely convinced that in order to be a State, it has to touch the others. I'm not sure what 50 states exist in his universe, but I guess there are two of them hiding somewhere out west.

Post by **Esteves** » 14 Feb 2009, 08:36

:laugh:
(Scary)

EARS · Post by **EARS** » 14 Feb 2009, 09:11

:ponder: Scary is understated!

Mister Freeze · Post by **Mister Freeze** » 14 Feb 2009, 09:56

My wife once asked, "if Alaska is so close to Hawaii and that far south, why is it so cold." I didn't know how to answer, thinking she was joking. She wasn't.

Post by **panzermk2** » 14 Feb 2009, 13:34

The stuff the let enlist these days.................................

ChuckD · Post by **ChuckD** » 14 Feb 2009, 14:58

Freeze, From waht I can tell, your wife is assuming that every map of the US shes ever looked at on paper, not a globe, but map has Alaska and Hawaii over real close, collaged together
Theres the possibility she thinks they're neighbors

Mister Freeze · Post by **Mister Freeze** » 14 Feb 2009, 15:12

Yeah, she thought they were down in the left corner in real life. I straightened her out, on that at least

tdevince · Post by **tdevince** » 14 Feb 2009, 17:38

Well, Alaska is the Northern most, Western most and Eastern most state in the union (because it crosses the dateline it gets both east and west). She just missed one of four possibilities because it definitely isn't the southern most.

Mister Freeze · Post by **Mister Freeze** » 14 Feb 2009, 17:59

Easternmost? I'm pretty sure the dateline meanders around the Aleutians... Are you referring to Big and Little Diomede?

tdevince · Post by **tdevince** » 14 Feb 2009, 21:58

You're right the dateline does meander between the diomede islands, splitting US and Russian territory. I guess I should have referenced the 180 meridian as distinguishing easternmost and westernmost

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extreme_po ... ted_States" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Post by **panzermk2** » 14 Feb 2009, 22:05

OK Boys, you know the rules.

At dawn, fifty paces, The fastest with the Slide Rule wins.

tdevince · Post by **tdevince** » 14 Feb 2009, 22:15

Nowadays you can probably make the competition simply anyone who knows how to use a slide rule wins

Post by **panzermk2** » 14 Feb 2009, 22:47

I always have my triangle Vernier scale ruler sitting around and I was shocked when MO told me He did not know how to read it.

My Dads best friend is one. Retired a multimillionaire at 40 from the things he invented.

Although I just picked up a nice brass sextant and gave it to him to figure out!

Mister Freeze · Post by **Mister Freeze** » 15 Feb 2009, 06:04

I'm so glad we know our geography. Unfortunately, kids these days don't. Pop Quiz, hot shots: Where is Herstal?

tdevince · Post by **tdevince** » 15 Feb 2009, 08:12

Herstal is a municipality of Belgium. It lies in the country's Walloon Region and Province of Liege along the Meuse river. Herstal is included in the "Greater Liège" agglomeration, which counts about 600,000 inhabitants. The Herstal municipality includes the former communes of Milmort, Vottem, and Liers (partly, the other part being incorporated into Juprelle). A large armaments factory, the Fabrique Nationale or FN, provides employment locally.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herstal" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Post by **Rapier1772** » 15 Feb 2009, 08:13

Mister Freeze wrote:I'm so glad we know our geography. Unfortunately, kids these days don't. Pop Quiz, hot shots: Where is Herstal?

In Belgium!! :laugh: Awwww, Tom beat me to it

tdevince · Post by **tdevince** » 15 Feb 2009, 08:25

Wollychop · Post by **Wollychop** » 15 Feb 2009, 08:32

A few guys are having some drinks when an absolutely beautiful woman walks in, wearing a skimpy, sexy outfit. She was a redhead, which happened to be one of the men's weaknesses, and he couldn't help but stare.

She notices and walks over to him. He looks down at first, afraid that she is going to tell him off. Instead, she leans in, her fantastic body pressing against his. It takes his breath away.

She says, "for twenty dollars, I'll do ANYTHING you want... Anything..."

He gulps. "Really?"

"Yes. On one condition... You have to tell me in just three words..."

He reaches into his wallet and takes out a twenty. She holds out her hand as she gently breathes into his ear. He presses the bill into her palm.

He looks her right in the eye. "Clean...my...house"

heheh

Post by **Rapier1772** » 15 Feb 2009, 09:29

Ha! Its about time that one got turned around into a male chauvinist pig version

hellamog · Post by **hellamog** » 15 Feb 2009, 13:00

Two guy's are drinking heavily in a bar. The one guy vomits all down the front of his own shirt ,and bemoans his circumstance. "My wife is gonna kill me." The other guy says "Don't worry about it. That happens to me all the time. Just put ten bucks in your pocket and tell the Mrs. that some guy puked on you and gave you ten bucks for dry cleaning" "Wow that's a great Idea." he say's. So he grabs money from his pants pocket ,shoves it in his shirt pocket ,and carries on drinking.
Several hours latter he arrives home smashed out of his gourd. His wife meets him at the door ,and savagely berates him for being such a lush ,and vomiting on himself. He explains "No honey ,that was this other guy ,and he gave me ten bucks for dry cleaning." Taking pride in his newly learned scheme ,he reaches in to his shirt pocket ,and shows her the money. She looks at it an says "That's a 20 dollar bill." Panicked he replies"OH that right he also crapped my pants." (grammer)?

ChuckD · Post by **ChuckD** » 15 Feb 2009, 13:07

I hate it when someone else craps my pants

Post by **Rapier1772** » 15 Feb 2009, 13:16

hellamog wrote:"OH that right he also crapped my pants." (grammar)?

Forget grammar - he's supposedly drunk off his gourd & therefore bad grammar is expected :laugh: Can't say anyone's crapped in my pants before but it's gonna cost him more than $10 if someone ever does! :p

Post by **Rapier1772** » 15 Feb 2009, 14:45

EARS · Post by **EARS** » 15 Feb 2009, 16:15

:lmao:

drkstrw · Post by **drkstrw** » 15 Feb 2009, 18:57

A firefighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter says with admiration.

'Thanks' the girl says.

The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little Partner', the firefighter says, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster.'

The little girl replies thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

:ponder:

Post by **Rapier1772** » 15 Feb 2009, 19:53

Ooooowwwwwwwww! :laugh:

EARS · Post by **EARS** » 15 Feb 2009, 20:53

:lmao:

Wollychop · Post by **Wollychop** » 23 Feb 2009, 17:49

Bored? Wonder what would happen if you microwaved a football or a box of crayons, but don't want to make a mess?

Don't worry. Do it online.

http://www.greensock.com/portfolio/Micr ... index.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Christmas Lights is my favorite.

Post by **f3rr37** » 23 Feb 2009, 23:37

:thumb: Christmas Lights is awesome. This is kind of a "Will it blend" spin off

Post by **f3rr37** » 02 Mar 2009, 11:38

http://www.break.com/index/sleeping-dog ... -wall.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Post by **Rapier1772** » 02 Mar 2009, 19:58

Talk about getting up on the wrong side of the bed :laugh: Wonder what he was chasing? Or running away from (a vet intent on pet population control?)

wolcottaj · Post by **wolcottaj** » 03 Mar 2009, 01:16

Rapier1772 wrote:

Just now say that one............ :laugh:

Gunslinger · Post by **Gunslinger** » 05 Mar 2009, 04:57

wolcottaj · Post by **wolcottaj** » 05 Mar 2009, 05:32

I like that one

EARS · Post by **EARS** » 05 Mar 2009, 06:27

Good sign. I have a couple of friends that would proudly display that sign on their homes.

wolcottaj · Post by **wolcottaj** » 05 Mar 2009, 06:33

One good thing about the area I live in is that everyone has some kind of gun. Yesterday while I was on the computer with the wife (after she got done with her handgun class) The guy next door was shooting his guns for about 30 minutes. So I doubt I would be able to put that sign up here.

Post by **Rapier1772** » 05 Mar 2009, 13:27

I like that sign too :clap: Remember you don't have to post it on YOUR property... Find someone you dont like & put it on his/her neighbor's property :p With permission of course :laugh:

EARS · Post by **EARS** » 05 Mar 2009, 15:34

Why with permission? Do it at night when everyone is sleeping.

wolcottaj · Post by **wolcottaj** » 05 Mar 2009, 15:37

Then take a picture and post it here.

Post by **Rapier1772** » 05 Mar 2009, 16:43

EARS wrote:Why with permission? Do it at night when everyone is sleeping.

Permission because if you plant the sign without it then the sign will be gone the next day. You want it to stick around a while so the BGs will be sure to see it & can schedule their theft accordingly.

Llagoud · Post by **Llagoud** » 06 Mar 2009, 04:20

I just got this from a guy I work with:

FARM KID (NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING)

Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . . .. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

wolcottaj · Post by **wolcottaj** » 06 Mar 2009, 04:41

That is a good one Llagoud I am going to forward that to some friends.

Wollychop · Post by **Wollychop** » 06 Mar 2009, 05:41

:laugh:

Llagoud · Post by **Llagoud** » 06 Mar 2009, 06:15

Thundering applause vs golf-claps:

Post by **f3rr37** » 06 Mar 2009, 09:41

:lmao: That's pretty good.

Post by **MrSlippyFist** » 06 Mar 2009, 09:45

Nice!

Post by **Cyberfly** » 06 Mar 2009, 10:36

Sort of reminds of Komrade Klinton's days, does it not?

wolcottaj · Post by **wolcottaj** » 06 Mar 2009, 11:24

Taking the Marines out of the war and you will get that. That was a good find.

EARS · Post by **EARS** » 06 Mar 2009, 15:42

:patriot: Semper Fi! The salute is for my fellow Marines.

Post by **panzermk2** » 06 Mar 2009, 23:28

Damn that was good.

Post by **Grantness** » 07 Mar 2009, 00:04

Just saw this on RedEye. I almost fell out of my chair... :lmao:

..and you didnt think smoking makes you look cool

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