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Medula Oblongata
01-14-2007, 04:39 PM
The "Beer Me" diet

Here's the pertinent facts!


Fact: A lite beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water, and the part that isn't water is almost pure carbohydrates.

Fact: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe two to three pounds a week. On the "Beer-Me" diet, that equates to at least 12 beverages a day for women, and 15 for men. A measurable goal.

Fact: The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the water to flush out almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including deep knee bends (getting out of the chair), fast walking (very good for your heart) and squats (as the case may be).

Fact: Drinking beer actually helps you sleep-even when you aren't necessarily tired. All that added rest is certain to help any problems you may have experienced in sleep deprivation, counting calories on those other fad diets. In addition, you may experience the occasional "How did I get here?" when you wake up, which always makes for lively conversation, and possibly additional exercise if you have to sneak out and run home.

Fact: The "Beer-Me" diet is good for your heart. After just one day of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly want to consume some aspirin, which is medically proven to help prevent heart attacks.

Fact: On the "Beer-Me" diet you can eat anything you want. The only rule is that you cannot consume any food until you have consumed at least half of the day's required beers. This way the food will probably only stay in your body a short time, until you again exercise the deep knee bends, quick walk and, this time, the "lean-over-and-hurl" stomach crunches.

Fact: Beer drinking is often done in bars, where other forms of exercise are common. Dancing, for example, is a good way to build up a thirst, as is chasing members of the opposite sex. If you really want to maximize your workout, try actually walking up to the bar, versus using a waitress. To take this to the extreme, you could even get up and get someone else a beer-perhaps someone who is newer to the diet plan than yourself.

Fact: Beer is cheaper than Jenny Craig!

EARS
01-14-2007, 07:34 PM
Till I my ulcers started bleeding in the summer of 72, this was my "diet" supplumented with scotch, burbon, vodak, and gin. A case & a half a day at the minium. When I woke up in intesive care, I really woke up. But thanks again MO, this still made me laugh! (I've got a sick sense of humor)

panzermk2
01-14-2007, 09:24 PM
talk about bringing the mood in the room down! Kick puppies when your not posting?http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e169/panzermk2/emocons/icon_stickpoke.gif

Hoover 1
01-14-2007, 09:51 PM
Fact: The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the water to flush out almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including deep knee bends (getting out of the chair), fast walking (very good for your heart) and squats (as the case may be).

Fact: The "Beer-Me" diet is good for your heart. After just one day of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly want to consume some aspirin, which is medically proven to help prevent heart attacks.

So that is why I had my heart attack!!!!!! :eek: I don't drink. :rolleyes:

Good one.

Hoover

EARS
01-14-2007, 11:05 PM
Didn't mean to put a wet blanket on it. It was funny and great.

Medula Oblongata
01-14-2007, 11:22 PM
Ignore Panzer.

He must have slipped on his diet regimen today and is probably 8 beers or more behind. He's just pissed that he coulden't follow this simple diet.

Panzer, its OK. You can relax knowing that even if you miss a day, you're still a good person and we love you for who you really are.. :p

kamo
01-14-2007, 11:45 PM
yeah, and your baldness.