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psssed90
03-02-2006, 11:54 PM
My wife just went through open heart surgery. I brought her clothes and personal effects to the side of her bed as she was sleeping heavily under drugs. I noticed all kinds of tubes, lines and probes sticking in and on her. She looked a little pale but, peacful. I proceeded to go through her bag making sure she had all the things on her check list toothbrush, lotion, magazine ect.

I came across a piece of paper folded up like the ones passed around in high school with the words on top "My wonderful husban"

I glanced at my wife with her eyes still closed. Unfolding the paper letter I took a deep breath and started to read.

I will type this personal letter for all in this forum for it was the most heart felt words that have effected me in a most profound way. You married couples should think about this and share it with others. Here is my wife's "Good-bye letter"
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Dear Todd,

I love you so much. I will always be with you. I'll blow you kisses in the wind. You'll feel my arms around you in the warm sun or in a warm blanket. I'll miss you but, I know we'll be together soon. Please don't let our beutiful boys forget me or how much I loved them. They were my life. God, I loved them.

Don't feel sad for me. I'm with Jesus + my mommy now in paradise.

I'm so sorry I wasn't a good wife. If I could of changed the way I was I would have. I loved you dearly, I just had too many emotional problems. I'm so sorry.

Your're a great wonderful husban and person. DON'T ever think bad about yourself. Please keep going to church EVERY week + pray EVERY DAY.
Pray with the boys EVERY day!
DON'T start smoking or drinking. Love your boys!
I will ALWAYS be with you + them. I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Please hug + kiss my boys every morning and at bed time for me. Tell them I love them very much + will always be listening. Sing "you are my sunshine" + "twinkle little star" to them for me.

I love you!

Jill
+
Todd
Forever &
Always

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I will never look at her the same way. I will never look at myself in the same way. I was given a second chance with my wife. I am very fortunate and forever changed.

Please read this with your other half. Send it to other family or friends I don't mind. What I feel right now I take with me till well after the last breath I take. Every day when I think I am fed up with work or daily life I will unfold this letter and read but, for now I am a reborn humble husban who will forever strive to be a better provider, father, husban and man.

Thankyou god for answering my prayers.

FATBOY
03-03-2006, 12:10 AM
I am glad to hear everything is going well. I hope she continues to get stronger each day and take care of those boys. I have two buys and can't imagine going through that. Hang in there and stay strong.

panzermk2
03-03-2006, 12:43 AM
there aren't words, thank you for sharing

psssed90
03-03-2006, 01:29 AM
Jill told me that while under(when they stopped her heart) she dreamed that we would have another child, a baby girl. If so I will suggest to Jill to name her Virginia after her mother who we witnessed on her deathbed a little over a year ago.

Nosferatu
03-03-2006, 01:41 AM
Thank you for sharing that. You both have been given a new lease on life! Live ever day like it's your last.

psssed90
03-03-2006, 02:16 AM
You are very much welcomed. My wife as given me the fountain of youth through the birth of my sons. What more could anyone hope for. I really hope this hits home with many of you. It is much more different that a tear jerking book or movie.
If this thread has touched you in a way that will benefit you and make your life more complete don't thank me pm me and I will give you my address for you to thank my wife personally. I just don't think I will ever be able to thank her enough. If a letter is too much trouble I will just show her the thread and if any of you would like to thank her for the inspiration just type away.

kamo
03-03-2006, 09:48 AM
wow, i don't know what to say. best wishes to her recovery.

tqtran
03-03-2006, 10:30 AM
,,,,,,,,,that gve me chills.


+1



psssed90 : Thanks for sharing and I'm glad you were givin a second chance. Don't waste it. As I always say:
Live your dream today, not for "One day I will do/go...."
Just enjoy your lives together now the way that you had "planned to one day when.....".
I wish you both a happy life together.

jmz5
03-03-2006, 11:12 AM
i will pray for a speedy recovery

Paratrooper117
03-03-2006, 11:15 AM
I can not imagine what you have been through, and I pray for Jill's speedy recovery. God Bless you both.

EARS
03-03-2006, 11:54 AM
To psssed90 - I'm not ashamed to say that as I read your wife's letter, I read through tears. God has really blessed you having her as your wife, and bringing her through this operation. There was a reason for you to see that letter and still have her with you. Never let a day past, that you don't tell her how much she means to you. I'll be praying for a fast and total recovery.

psssed90
03-03-2006, 08:43 PM
I get choked up and teary eyed everytime I think of the emotions of passion that went through her mind writing this letter. As I sit in my quiet home away from her I imagine her walking in the door bag of groceries in one hand Ethan(1) in the other. "Todd, can you bring Antonio(4) in and close the door?" The most common events seem so important when not so common.

I miss loosing arguments with her. I long for the day she comes home. Much like many of you long for that PS90 that has taken so long to come in.

Jill still has low blood pressure. I walked with her down the hall to strengthed her heart. Her blood count is low so she was given iron. I had to leave early because the kids were just being kids and it is not fair they have to be quiet.

She is not out of the woods yet. My insanity is held at bay through the laughter of my kids. Through the daily routine of caring for the kids, cleaning house, and working it is no wonder why women out live men on average. You have to be tough as nails. I had about 4 hours sleep last night. I did extra chores the night before to make it early to she Jill the next morning. I left way behind schedule by 2 hours. It is tough. I always thought Jill was just unorganized. I am humbled again.

I have 3 Aunties that flew down. They will watch the kids so I can have time alone with Jill.

I wrote Jill a letter in response to hers. In a nutshell I said I was the one that should change. I was the one that had alot to learn. I was the one that did not deserve her. I ended the letter by saying that I hope to die before her because I would not have what it takes to read that good-bye letter of hers under real circumstances.

It is 8:30, time to give both the boys a kiss and sing them a couple songs.

Good night to all.
Sweet dreams.
Todd

jmz5
03-03-2006, 08:49 PM
good luck to you, i hope all this stress doesn't put you in the bed next to her.

psssed90
03-03-2006, 09:09 PM
good luck to you, i hope all this stress doesn't put you in the bed next to her.

As a matter of fact my father has stepped in and brought over my mother and 3 of her sisters to help me out. I have been feeling like I took some type of sleeping agent. I promised I would make it a early night once the kids are asleep. I was going to go right back to Sarasota 45 minutes away to see her for an hour but, I think too much makes her worried too much about me. It is a question of if I am being selfish thinking of my needs or should I leave it too the professionals and let her rest knowing I get more rest myself.

I will post more after I see her again.

Thanks again all for the heart fill words.

Todd

Rnelson11
03-04-2006, 06:11 AM
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife. I hope everything turns out well.

EARS
03-04-2006, 08:46 AM
Todd, I sent you a private message. I hope I did correctly. If you don't get it, please email me your email address. Thank you.

psssed90
03-05-2006, 04:19 PM
I talked to Jill this morning. Her xrays were good. The man across the hall that has taken a like to my family passing by sent JIll some flowers. Jill said he was going home after his 4-5 day battle with a triple bypass. His room filled with flowers and only having limited space in the car has made him decide that Jill was the lucky gal to receive more joy in her room. The 50+ year old gentleman is lucky he is marred or I would of been concern. :D

Sarsota Memorial Hospital has their act together. The staff always happy or atleast acts as such. All the patrons on their hopfully short stay seemed in good spirits as well.

JIll had a fever the night before but, no such bad luck today. She may go home in a day or so. I am relieved and feel like the happy new husban I was over 6 years ago. I have been drained mental and physically. I would have no concept of time if it was not for my watch or cell phone. I plan on getting her a new puppy. It will be a big family doy of which the youngest can grow up with and Jill and destress with during her 6 week at home full recovery.

I will be working at home so I hope the real estate market here in sw Fl. picks up. If not thank god for my loyal investors.

I will not be jinks by saying "I think we are going to be all right." I will just say most of the nightmare is over and now it is time to wake up and live my real dream the way I should of when I made my promise, "for better or for worse. Till death do we part."

ixtow
03-05-2006, 05:16 PM
I swear I have something in my eye!

I lost my Dad less than a year ago. I'm jealous, but in a good way. Don't waste it.

EARS
03-05-2006, 08:05 PM
The "till death do we part" is a long way off. She will be fine and your marriage will be blessed and more enjoying than either of you ever hoped for. You both know what you also most lost. It is something that has become one of the most important things in both of your lifes. The love you have for each other has all ready multiplied a thousand full. We keep you both in my prayers. Keep the updates coming.

psssed90
03-06-2006, 12:15 AM
Just came home from seeing Jill. She actually was picking up the room today. Jill is the type that will bust her own table when we go to a sit down dinner. Good for her. I feel sad though. Her own father did not even call her. None of her sisters or brother came to see her. I told her closest sister I would give her a ride anytime to see Jill but, as of yet no visit from her. The major difference is that my family was there for Jill and I. My auntie Tessie has cancer and is a little weak from therapy and she managed to make an appearance. My brother and his wife drove 2 hours to spend a 2 hour visit with us at the hospital then came back to my house to help with the kids. My brother works the next day Monday at 9pm-6am. Jill's sister claims that she loves her sister and doesn't need to be there to prove it. If my brother had heart surgery a broken leg would not stop me. There is more to this than I know about and I don't care to know. I had issues with my father when I was growing up but, we worked through it. Today we still have our moments but, still manage to check in with each other by phone or visit. I feel bad her family is like that and I can only foster my family on to her. It is not the same but, it is the best I have.

The best news is that Jill is loved very much by my family. The worst news is that Jill will have to wait 5-6 weeks before she can pick up and hold the little ones. Antonio the 4 year old wakes up each morning saying "ma mah?" I remind him that she is in the hospital and he replies, "oh yeah I forgot".

Well, I have been getting of the path a bit.

Thanks again to everyone on this thread and on the forum. This forum has high class individuals. From the moderators to the supporters to the ones that just pop in from time to time.

Where else can a guy be this emotional on one thread and turn around and talk about how the last thing a bg would see upon being a life threat home invasion is a laser dot on his chest.

psssed90
03-06-2006, 07:28 AM
Thanks Jerry.

Hard times seperate your true friends and caring relatives from the fair weather ones. Now you know who you can count on when the chips are down. Scr** the rest of them. They aren't worth the sweat off your butt. We all have family like them so don't let it get you down. It's events like this that bring everything into very sharp and clear focus. Helps you get your life priorities ordered properly. Good luck.

I know all too well about that. My Aunt(Dad's sister) took my grandfather at 12 am to a leech I mean attorney friend and made him sign power of attorney over to her daughter. My grandfather was already diagnosed with having Lou Body's Disease by a doctor. He could not think enough to make legal decissions on his own and was starting to loose his motor actions.

She was after the money and assets in the estate. After couple years of legal counsil sucking us dry it has nearly come to an end.

My aunt and cousin sent my grandfather to a nursing home as soon as they new the eventual outcome. (no $ for them) Those ex-family members are the devils officers as far as I am concerned. The worst part is that my grandfather died just before last christmas. We were kinda glad he was released from his prison and was reunited with his true love at the pearly gates in heaven.

As a side note my aunt did not show up at his funeral. This lady works with kids at her gymnastics gym. I left her gym working as a coach years before this mess. She is a sad person who directs her problems on others. Her buisness is going down the drain. I work for a wonderful couple coaching gymnastics. They have been very supportive. I have worked there for only 2 months and I already have seen atleast 6 students from my old gym. They like it better here because no one yells. I coach as a passion not for money. In april we are opening a 18,000 sqft facility. We offer many classes such as gymnastics, jazz/tap, cheerleading, circus skills, acro with more to come. We even train individuals who are in Circus De Solie(spelling?). Once we are in full motion I predict my aunt and cousin's gym will go out of buisness.

It is not revenge that I fell into. What comes around goes around. God has a little smile on his face. ;) I know what is to come. It is wierd and odd that life turns itself around after I was use to just a beating.

I don't know if I can get sued for this but, the web site of the gym my aunt runs can be found here: http://www.horizongymnastics.net/index.htm

A pic of my aunt standing on the floor. I feel bad for the kids and parents that don't know about it. I am not saying to send hate mail. She is hated enough and knows it. My cousin was persuaded to be evil but, is an adult and should of known better.

Jill will be coming home Tuesday, Wednesday think. I am honored to be in the presence of fighter of her caliber. She is my hero.
Oh what legend in the family history books are left un-written.

psssed90
03-06-2006, 07:32 AM
Oh know, that website has a guest book area. Please be kind and if not don't let it get back to me I have my own problems.

EARS
03-07-2006, 08:01 PM
I got your email. Unfortunately I didn't see till today. I'm glad the updates are showing she is much better. The church is still praying and I'm passing on your updates. Keep the faith, you all will make it through it.

tanneritekid
03-10-2006, 09:30 AM
Oh Wow....

That Hit Hard!